Good confinement lady

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

All about Auntie Ah Tai

Looking for a good confinement lady to assist you during your first month as a new mother? Well, you can cross your fingers and hope that you don't have to look any further. Auntie Ah Tai is a great confinement lady!

I am one of Auntie Ah Tai's satisfied customers. Am actually typing up this blog while undergoing my confinement now, in between online shopping for cute baby stuffs, and playing with my baby, and eating yummy nutritious home cooked food and basically recuperating after my Caesarean section.

Am so glad I have Auntie Ah Tai to help out with my firstborn, she has thoroughly reduced my chances of slipping into postpartum depression - especially as she is so comfortable handling newborns, compared to stunned me who still cannot believe such an adorable little demanding being came out of me just a couple of weeks ago. She is patient, loving and gentle with my baby, and a very good cook, serving 5-6 meals/snacks for me everyday and cooking up special soups to increase my milk supply.

As a favor to her and in appreciation of all she has done to make my first month as a mum restful and comfortable (and knowing I'll probably regret sharing this well kept secret if I ever require her services for my future babies), I have pulled together some FAQs about Auntie Ah Tai and her services as a confinement lady. I have also included her contact number if you'd like to call her directly. Likewise, if you'd like a reference for her work, please drop a comment and I will revert.

If you have further questions that have not been addressed here, please feel free to leave a comment along with your email address. I will revert to you as soon as I can.

Chinese confinement practices: what exactly is this?

If you managed to find this blog, you probably also would have Googled up "confinement ladies" and have a general idea what the Chinese confinement practice entails. This being my very first confinement, along with experiences shared by my friends, I will briefly share what the typical Chinese confinement means to me.

I am a Malaysian of Chinese ethnicity. Chinese culture and beliefs are deeply rooted in me by way of lifestyle and upbringing. When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first few things I did was to secure the services of a confinement lady (when I was 2 months pregnant). I am glad I found Auntie Ah Tai (also through another blogger who had sung praises of her services). I figured I really needed the services of a confinement lady (CL) as this was going to be the first grandchild for both sides of the family, and it has been ages since anyone in our family took care of a newborn. My mother-in-law, who was going to be our daycare cum babysitter when both my husband and I were at work, insisted on a CL in order to re-learn how to bathe, feed, burp, change and care for her grandchild. So that was my primary reason for hiring Auntie Ah Tai.

Little did I know that I would later find that there were many reasons I was glad I hired Auntie Ah Tai.

She was knowledgeable on which herbs or foods were to be consumed by a woman recovering from a major operation - particularly which foods were off limits to ensure that the wound healed properly. (For example, no chicken and eggs were to be eaten in the 1st 12 days).
She knew the traditional confinement practices to ensure the mummy regained her strength and was not exposed to "wind" which would weaken her constitution (something to do with the Chinese belief of "yin" and "yang" balance in the body). An example would be that she boiled water and let it cool so that I could use it to wash up in the morning, and she would boil herbal water for me to bathe in the afternoons. [I still can't believe I managed to survive 12 days before washing my hair!]
She knew exactly what to do with my precious baby - I merely had to supply her with the necessary baby items. The first time I watched her after she'd bathed my baby, she methodically massaged baby all over with baby lotion, Buds' organic infant massage oil and the Chinese Yu Yi oil before proceeding to swipe the alcohol swab on baby's navel, put Drapolene on baby's butt, then diapering and clothing baby warmly.
Having had plenty of experience with many mummies and babies, she knew exactly which product / item to be used for what purpose. (I introduced her to Lucas Papaw's ointment for dry patches on baby, and she now loves this product - me too, because I much prefer Lucas Papaw to other lotions as it is organic and natural).
She taught me how to bottle feed baby, as baby refused to latch on for breastfeeding - how to ensure the teat was filled with milk to reduce gas, how to burp baby midway thru the feed, etc. I am now an exclusively pumping mummy - and will provide expressed breastmilk for my baby for as long as she wants. (I'm still hoping that one day she will learn to latch on and I can then reduce the amount of sterilizing I have to do for my breastpump and bottles).

Indeed, you will hear many stories as to how the Chinese confinement has restrictive practices that you may choose whether or not to follow. I tried to follow as best as I could, most of the time using logic and common sense to determine if a particular restriction was rational or not. I definitely did not want to blame a debilitating migraine or severe back ache or rheumatism in my old age on my stubbornness during my confinement.

Auntie Ah Tai stayed with me for 28 days (exactly 4 weeks). My C-section wound did not hurt so bad after 1 week at which I stopped my painkillers. By 2 weeks I could climb up and down the stairs - although Auntie Ah Tai told me to try not to do that so much as the uterus / womb would fall! By the beginning of the 3rd week, I felt rejuvenated from all the nutritious home-cooked food Auntie Ah Tai diligently prepared for me (for which my mother, my husband and my mother-in-law regularly supplied the fresh ingredients to) and so here I am now, typing this blog for Auntie Ah Tai with my re-energised self. Indeed, I am enjoying my confinement month quite a lot - and all thanks to Auntie Ah Tai who has made it an enjoyable and restful one. I truly would not hesitate to recommend her exemplary services to anyone who asks :)

How can Auntie Ah Tai help and what are her services?

Auntie Ah Tai does the following for baby:

Daily baths and massages for baby
Regular diaper changes
Baby's laundry
Feeding baby (if you express your breastmilk into bottles)
Burping baby
Soothing baby to sleep and swaddling baby
Sterilizing baby's bottles and pacifier
Ensuring baby is happy, healthy and comfortable (and keeping the parents informed if she notices anything unusual about baby)

For the mother, Auntie Ah Tai will:

Cook confinement recipe foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the mother (and enquire if the mother would like a mid-morning snack and mid-afternoon tea)
Prepare herbal double-boiled soups to nourish the mother
Remind the mother to take her vitamins, supplements, medication, etc.
Prepare herbal water for daily bath
Launder mother's clothes
Help mother to sterilize breast pump and bottles
Prepare a shopping list for the father to buy fresh ingredients for the mother's meals

Basically, Auntie Ah Tai's role will be to care for the mother and baby. If you require her to cook your husband's meals as well, you would need to inform her. Similarly if you need her to cook for others in the family, she will need to be informed and she will charge extra fees. It is not her responsibility to care for the baby's older siblings (during the confinement month, most families get the grandparents or babysitters to care for older siblings during the day, and the father will care for them in the evenings).

Note (post-confinement month): I've just finished my confinement month. And gosh, the first night without Auntie Ah Tai was, to say the least, one of the toughest things I've done. Which is why I'm writing this little note to remind all new mothers that they should try to care as much as possible for their baby during the confinement month - don't leave it all to the confinement lady. A good and capable confinement lady like Auntie Ah Tai is a blessing as she is so good with everything - but when she leaves, gosh, you find that you don't really know how to care for your baby! So, take time during the confinement month (at least the last 2 weeks of your confinement, after you've recovered) to learn the ropes of caring for your precious newborn.

What language does Auntie Ah Tai converse in?

Auntie Ah Tai speaks 3 Chinese dialects - Mandarin, Cantonese and Hakka. She is not able to speak English or much Malay and is not tech-savvy (which is why I did this website for her, as she is not able to do it on her own).

She is of Hakka descent (which also explains why she can cook excellent Hakka dishes and why I think she's such a great cook).

Her ability to speak 3 Chinese dialects means that she is able to provide her services as a confinement lady to various countries besides Malaysia, such as Singapore, Hong Kong, Australia, and anywhere where there are Chinese ethnic mothers.

Does Auntie Ah Tai only provide services in Malaysia? Is she willing to travel?

Her work experience thus far has included 7 years as a confinement lady under the tutelage of the famous Malaysian Chinese confinement expert Dr Peiling Goh. Another 5 years was spent freelancing as a stay-in confinement lady for private homes in Malaysia.

She has received many requests for her services in Singapore and Australia but has had to reject them as her schedule was already full and she had promised herself to another mother. (Therefore, I really advise you to call her as soon as your pee stick shows a positive! Forget the "taboo" period, if you really want to book the services of a good confinement lady - they are always highly sought after!)

Yes, she is willing to travel. Travel expenses are payable by the employer.

Auntie Ah Tai works on a first-come-first-served basis, in order to avoid any disputes or misunderstanding.

What does a typical day look like?

A typical day may vary from one mother to another. However, just to give you an idea, below is a brief summary of what my typical day is like:

7.00am : Mother wakes up, drinks a cup of red dates tea (a flask of it is permanently by the bedside table next to my mug, ready to drink whenever I want) and downs So Hup pills.
8.00am : Breakfast is served. It's usually soup or fried noodles, or fried rice. (On my 18th day, I managed to convince Auntie Ah Tai to make French toast for me with a cup of Milo oats - so yummy!)
9.00am : Auntie Ah Tai bathes and massages for baby, then lets baby have play time with the mother.
10.00am : Auntie Ah Tai will ask if the mother is hungry. If she is, she'll get some biscuits or mix a Milo drink for her.
12.00noon : Lunch time! This is usually rice with dishes such as meat, vege and a soup.
1.30pm : Auntie Ah Tai prepares the herbal bath water for mother. (The belief is that the mother should bathe or wipe down during the hottest time of the day - anytime between 11am to 3pm).
3.00pm : Mid-afternoon snack - Auntie Ah Tai usually cooks red bean soup for tea, it's apparently a good milk booster.
3.30pm : Mother takes a nap. Auntie Ah Tai usually naps too around this time, after folding laundry.
4.30pm : Baby takes evening bath. Mummy plays with baby again after that.
6.00pm : Dinner is served. Rice with dishes and soup.
9.00pm : Supper - usually a herbal soup or Milo with oats. Wind down for the night.

Not mentioned above are the times Auntie Ah Tai feeds the baby - usually every 2 hourly. And the regular diaper changes and soothing of baby to sleep, especially during the night. In between, the mother also does regular pumping of breast milk or direct feeding of breast milk to the baby, depending on how baby is fed.

However, please note that not every mother will have the same schedule. Some mothers who are directly latching their babies to suckle will have a different schedule than above. The schedule then will run around baby's feed-on-demand schedule, which is not a fixed schedule.

Is she breast feeding friendly?

Yes, she is. She knows how to handle expressed breast milk and knows how to sterilize my breast pump parts. She knows what kind of foods will help to produce more breast milk for the mother. She has plenty of experience dealing with mothers who are learning to breastfeed. She is not a professional lactation consultant, but she can do her best as a confinement lady to assist you on your breastfeeding journey.

Is she a good cook? Will she cook for my husband as well?

For me, Auntie Ah Tai is an excellent cook! She can whip up fried or soup noodles for breakfast, fried rice for lunch, red bean soup for tea break, and rice with dishes and soup for dinner. There'll usually also be double-boiled herbal chicken soup for supper. She varies the menu and her food is always tasty. So much so that I always clean my plate (been a long time since I've done that as my appetite decreased tremendously throughout my pregnancy), and that has been good with helping me while I breastfeed - breastfeeding is hungry work!

Do let her know in advance if you'd like her to cook for your husband. She'll need to be aware and work that into her list of responsibilities.

Some food Auntie Ah Tai cooked

Will she help to care for my older child or children at home?

A confinement lady's main responsibilities are to care for the newborn and the recuperating mother. That would leave her little time to care for another child or other children. It is suggested that other children in the family are left in the care of other family members (e.g. the father, grandparents, etc) during the confinement period, in order to ensure that the mother has time to recover properly as the newborn adjusts to the new world.

What if there are other family members in the house, e.g. elderly parents, in-laws, etc?

Again, the same general principle applies: a confinement lady's job is to care for the newborn and the mother.

If the confinement lady is required to cook for other members of the family (besides the mother), she will need to be told in advance and her fees will be higher due to the added responsibility.

She will not be able to provide any care for other members in the house, who should be either self-dependent or assisted with an in-house maid.

What will sleeping arrangements be like?

Sleeping arrangements depend on how you would like baby to be fed.

For instance, a fully breastfed baby should always be rooming in with the mother. Therefore, the confinement lady would be sleeping in the same room as mother and baby. Once the mother has fed baby (which is usually every 2 hours from the start of each feeding), the confinement lady can burp baby and change diapers before putting baby back to sleep.

A bottle-fed baby (whether it is formula milk or expressed breast milk) can sleep in the same room as the confinement lady, with the mother sleeping in another room if she prefers. A bottle-fed baby will be fully cared for in the night by the confinement lady, who will feed, burp and change the baby. In this way, the mother gets more rest during the night - needing only to wake up for a midnight pump if she is expressing breast milk.

What should I prepare prior to her arrival?

Generally, I divided up my preparation into 5 distinct categories:

Items for the newborn

This includes everything you can think of such as clothing items, toiletries, nursery items, feeding items, big ticket items (e.g. stroller, car seat, crib, etc.), and a whole lot more - you can easily go on the internet and find a list of items to prepare for newborns.

Items for the mother

This would include nursing items (if you intend to breastfeed), sanitary and toiletry items (e.g. disposable underwear, maternity pads, dry shampoo if you are so inclined, etc), and anything else to make the mother's confinement period as comfortable as possible.

Equipment for the kitchen

If you're like me (a full-time working wife who under-utilizes her beautiful kitchen), then you would need to raid your mum's kitchen for some kitchen utility items for use during the confinement period. You would need a double-boiler pot, a steamer, a wok, plenty of pots of all sizes to boil water and herbs and soups (which are either simmering all day on the stove or cooling down around the kitchen), a kettle, an electric hot water vacuum flask, plenty of Tupperwares of all sizes and shapes, knives, mortar and pestle, etc. Basically, your kitchen must be equipped for full-fledged Chinese cooking for a month.

Fresh ingredients for cooking

This is divided into fresh food you buy from the market, and herbs you buy from your local Chinese herbal shop / medical hall.
Auntie Ah Tai would be able to advise on which vegetables and fish and meat would be suitable for her to cook for the mother's consumption on the first week - the mother's diet being dependent on whether she had a natural birth or a C-section. The father would need to do weekly shopping at the market to stock up the fridge.
Your local Chinese herbal shop can advise you on which herbs should be purchased. I bought a 30-day confinement soups package from my local medical hall, along with other herbs for the red date tea (to be drunk daily by the mother as water), Brands' ready-made essence of chicken, muk yi, dong kuai, tong sam, kei chi, and other Chinese herbs to be added into dishes and soups.

Auntie Ah Tai's temporary living arrangements

Like any other guest you invite to your home, you would need to prepare a place for the confinement lady to rest, sleep, bathe and put her clothes and other personal items.

How do I contact Auntie Ah Tai?

Auntie Ah Tai is contactable on her Malaysian mobile phone number : +60-17-9187383.

Sometimes, she may be unable to pick up your call as she could be soothing a baby, or cooking in the kitchen. Do try calling her again at another hour.

Wishing you the best of luck in securing a good confinement lady for your month of rejuvenation! :)